Please, let me fuck your mom
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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