Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
