I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We were destined to go to rehab together
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
