btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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