Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
