i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
