I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
