you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
