for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
