I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
