you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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