For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
