just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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