dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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