dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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