Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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