Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i will never coherently bang her
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
