he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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