giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
