Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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