shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
