i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
