you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
