JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
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first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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