i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
