I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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