Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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