Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
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He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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