my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
