Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
