it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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