How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
