you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
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i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
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Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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