Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
