Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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