He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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