Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
