God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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