do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
