Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
