There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He did a backflip because drugs
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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