i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
