when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize