Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize