A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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