Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
