I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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