I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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