just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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