i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Dignity is for republicans.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
