The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
