I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
