absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
