Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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