The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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