YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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