did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got inside last night via doggy door
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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