Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
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