yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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