im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
