Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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